So the enneagram has been all the rage in 2019. Churches are talking about it, sermons are happening etc etc. finding out I’m a big FOUR was a fun realization for me.
This explained why I am such a sappy romantic, why I have been so excited to have teenage girls so they could have ROMANCE. It sounds ridiculous to say it out loud, because what mom WANTS their teenagers in relationships in Jr or Sr high school? Not many....but me. Yup.
When my oldest got her first boyfriend I was always wanting him over, wanting to be with them when they were hanging out, I loved to see them together. It was adorable and they were so sweet together. 2+ years they “dated”.... 8-10th grade!
But do you know what almost inevitably comes with teen romance? Teen break ups, and this was possibly the second hardest parenting time of my life, last July.....when she got dumped. He was kind enough to come over and do it face to face, they talked a long time. When she came inside I knew, she was devastated (honestly they both were so sad). Immediately she wanted to go to her girlfriends, so I drove her. There she was surrounded by hugs and uplifting words, it was good for her, another mom got to be the one who bought her break up ice cream and chocolates...not me. But when that night came, she wanted to sleep with me and she let me stroke her hair and face again, just like she was my baby. It was awful. And wonderful. But mostly awful. I could not fix this. 
Cuddling between the tears. Still so beautiful. :)
Sadly, here we are, months later and the heartbreaking story has repeated itself. No, not a two plus year boyfriend. But a whirlwind of a couple months, one “official” month, homecoming, parties, Halloween, Christmas tree decorating, dinner dates, movie dates. Sweetest guy, very driven, loves God, is positive and uplifting to her... but he lives about 45 minutes away and the time put into their relationship (talking, texting, trying to find days to have dates etc) was pulling him away from his school work and grades were showing that. :((This apparently meant-he lost his 4.0)I guess I commend him for recognizing it, but they’re so in love. I don’t care if it wasn’t the kind of love you get married for or that lasts for eternity, it was 17-year-old-boyfriend-girlfriend-love, and it’s real. (Insert toddler-style foot stomping here.)And losing it hurts.And again, I cannot fix it.
I’m mad at myself. Mad that I care so much about these relationships. This should not be a focus for my daughters, but here I am. Trying to make sense of a high school break up...again! She SHOULD be single and fully focusing on her first year in college and being a jr in High School. I should feel relief! She’s surrounded by great friends, so she will be fine, but why am I so sad? I don’t dream of my daughters’ careers or successes in life, I dream of their weddings (literally I have a Pinterest board), their marriages, hopefully a life of romance and I dream of their future families. I dream of son-in-laws, maybe from never having a son, but still, what is wrong with me? Or maybe I’m not SO different and it’s just something not many talk about.
Then there will be the aftermath of how she feels about herself. And there is no convincing her otherwise. She’s said things to me like “I’m a terrible person, I’m a bad girlfriend, I’m just annoying” etc. None of this is true, but the rejection doesn’t help.
*Also, at 17, I feel I may have completely lost her. So how can I be there for her....She told her BF recently that she’s convinced I hate hate her. (Yeah I read a text message or two! They’re 17!) this feeling of me hating her came about when I needed to go pay her college fees and asked if she’d like to go along and we get Starbucks. Clearly a hateful thing, to pay your fees for you and buy you Starbucks before choir. :( But she assumed I had some negative ulterior motive.I hardly see her because of her college and high school and sports schedule. When she’s home she’s most often in her room....I just wanted a moment together, but “I” hate her. Yet here I am, up late into the wee hours, blubbering over her break up and almost praying they can work things out, set up a system and schedule blah blah blah. Because she’s miserable and went to sleep crying. And. I. Can’t. Fix. It. Don’t they say if your kids don’t hate you at some point, you’re not doing it right!?
Blessed to have Great Grandma around for so many years of their lives so far.
Sometimes I imagine being as old as my 91 year old grandma, knowing these moments will be forgotten and we will get through it. But I certainly don’t want to miss what’s coming along the way the journey matters, and so does the small stuff (because to our children it is the biggest stuff in their life at the moment)...some moments are just tough to watch them walk through.
Victoria
I’m mad at myself. Mad that I care so much about these relationships. This should not be a focus for my daughters, but here I am. Trying to make sense of a high school break up...again! She SHOULD be single and fully focusing on her first year in college and being a jr in High School. I should feel relief! She’s surrounded by great friends, so she will be fine, but why am I so sad? I don’t dream of my daughters’ careers or successes in life, I dream of their weddings (literally I have a Pinterest board), their marriages, hopefully a life of romance and I dream of their future families. I dream of son-in-laws, maybe from never having a son, but still, what is wrong with me? Or maybe I’m not SO different and it’s just something not many talk about.
Then there will be the aftermath of how she feels about herself. And there is no convincing her otherwise. She’s said things to me like “I’m a terrible person, I’m a bad girlfriend, I’m just annoying” etc. None of this is true, but the rejection doesn’t help.
*Also, at 17, I feel I may have completely lost her. So how can I be there for her....She told her BF recently that she’s convinced I hate hate her. (Yeah I read a text message or two! They’re 17!) this feeling of me hating her came about when I needed to go pay her college fees and asked if she’d like to go along and we get Starbucks. Clearly a hateful thing, to pay your fees for you and buy you Starbucks before choir. :( But she assumed I had some negative ulterior motive.I hardly see her because of her college and high school and sports schedule. When she’s home she’s most often in her room....I just wanted a moment together, but “I” hate her. Yet here I am, up late into the wee hours, blubbering over her break up and almost praying they can work things out, set up a system and schedule blah blah blah. Because she’s miserable and went to sleep crying. And. I. Can’t. Fix. It. Don’t they say if your kids don’t hate you at some point, you’re not doing it right!?
Blessed to have Great Grandma around for so many years of their lives so far.
Sometimes I imagine being as old as my 91 year old grandma, knowing these moments will be forgotten and we will get through it. But I certainly don’t want to miss what’s coming along the way the journey matters, and so does the small stuff (because to our children it is the biggest stuff in their life at the moment)...some moments are just tough to watch them walk through.
Victoria
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