Dare I Start Again....

Surprised myself by remembering all my log in information tonight. 

Go me!

It’s been a long time, 4.5 years to be exact! 

Raising God’s Daughters hasn’t gotten easier, the hard things just seem to morph into new hard things. But I stopped feeling that I had the freedom or permission to share my heart during these teen years, it’s an icky feeling to need to balance your emotional needs with your children’s. Icky. 

Tonight brought me back to needing to write. Although many times these last years I have needed an outlet, tonight I will see if this helps. 

If it helps ME. 

You see, my girls are full-blown teens now. 

They BOTH went to homecoming this year! How time flies...

Their lives have private moments and people and situations....which can make parenting feel so incredibly lonely. Yes, I get to know all the things, or some of it at least, but I’m terrified to tell anyone. I’m terrified that someone will spill and it will get back to my kids and they will never trust me again....but moms need to talk things out too! I’m mainly afraid of this because it has happened to us. A fellow mom, who I think I trust completely, tells their child everything I say and that child tells mine “my mom said your mom told her....” And all of the sudden I’m public enemy #1 and can never be trusted again. 

You can’t tell your family for fear that they will use information against you or your child. 

You certainly can’t tell someone who may have the opportunity to say “I told you so!” 

So you say nothing, bottle it up for the day and cry silently in your bed at night. 

Because it’s hard. 

It hurts. 

Knowing your children are hurting breaks your heart, and there’s little you can do. 

They must work through things, this is what builds them into strong and resilient adults, right?

I keep reminding myself that I made it out...maybe not unscathed, but I survived and am here to try to make the adjustments needed to not let my girls COMPLETELY repeat my mistakes and heartbreaks. 

Being resilient isn’t about no heartbreak, I know that. It is about how you come back from it, what you learn and the strength you gain along the way. Praying I’m still doing enough...I’m doing the best I can with what little I know. 

<3 

Victoria